Whats in it for me?

Life has started to stagnate to point where I think its going sour. Taking photos is something I force myself to do now rather than enjoy. This world I have surrounded myself with does nothing but suck out my life and creativity, pulling me down into a pit I cannot climb out of. I don't think I'm bored of photography, I think the situation I find myself in has made me devoid of any enjoyment and that extends to even my great loves, photography.

On the up side I have been going to my local airsoft site more now. This is something I loved for years and fell away from when it became to expensive for me to continue. I feel guilty even having this one thing that bring me joy though. It seems than anything I enjoy eventually is taken from me because I don't deserve it. Do you know what it feels like to be a prisoner in your own mind? Anyway, back to airsoft. Ive been shooting some games in between playing. Im still getting to grips with it but at least im having a bit of fun with it.